At A Crossroads ...

Have you, like I, been through so many diets that with the money spent, and the pounds lost and gained, you could by now have probably a) bought a new body and b) have made two or three replicas of yourself?  That is... with every diet that you did, and re-gained the weight, was it enough weight to make a whole new you? ... Yeah, me too.

Here I am, jumping back on the weight loss wagon.  I am hoping this is the last time I am jumping on, and making a serious lifestyle change.  I don't want to dwell too much on the past, but after many years of being too thin, and struggling with eating disorder after eating disorder, I now suffer with the problem of being obese.  I never though that word would even describe me, but it doesn't and I feel sick to my stomach each time.  It started with my obsession with weight in my late teens where I decided to do the Dr. Bernstein diet - that was a huge mistake.  I was about 140 lbs at the time and wanted to go down to 120 lbs.  For my 5'3.5" height, and petite frame, 120 lbs seemed reasonable since I was no longer into the hardcore sports of dancing, skating and cheerleading as I left my high school days behind me.  Somewhere along the way, the nazi's (aka the Dr. B nurses) forced me to a mere 98 lbs.  Shocking really...

From this point on, my weight problems became an actual problem versus the aesthetic need to be skinny.  I went from 98 lbs, to 130 lbs, to 160 lbs virtually within a few months, by end of 2007, I was hitting 170 lbs.  Oh don't get me wrong, I tried more diets in between, WW, JC, nutritionists, PTs, meal replacements, but no avail.  My good friend and I decided to do something about our weight together.  We joined SS - SS was good, and I was successful... and within 5 months, I was 5 lbs away from my goal weight at the time of 135 lbs.  What happened?  A condition that I didn't know was plaguing me, depression, anxiety and diabetes.  So here I am in 2010, not only hitting 200 lbs but actually 205 lbs.  After being diagnosed with PCOS, working through the depression/anxiety, and taking the steps to make my life happy - I am now reaching fork in the road, and have opted to take the path to finding myself under these layers and layers of blubber.

My first problem is that I do not know how to properly balance my carbs, fats, veggies/fruits, dairy and proteins... in fact, what I do know, is that I am a junk food, carb whore.  The junk food part has somewhat subsidized b/c I have gotten to the point that even eating away my feelings does not help.  So, I decided to go for it and sign up for Nutrisystem.  I ordered it last week, and within a few days it arrived!  I have read through all the material, unpacked the food, did the grocery shopping additions and tomorrow, is day 1!  EEK!  I figured, based on my busy life, commuting and lack of planning, NS was the best way to start.  I don't want to eat pre-packaged food all my life, but this is certainly better than what I am eating now.

Included in this will be exercising once again.  *Groan* how many of us like doing that when we are overweight?  I am going to start off slow, with simple walking on the treadmill even.  But I also have a person trainer which I utilized for two (2) months and then stopped.  Now that I have moved cities, I will need to find a new PT that I can work with and click with!

Wish me luck!

My plan for this blog, is to keep up to date about the struggles and triumphs of real dieting... with a loss of 70 lbs and a diet that will be reviewed, I would like to give ppl the low down, real facts, and reviews on NS and the weight loss experience, because sometimes, that is hard to find - and alas, perhaps that will keep me honest and true to myself.  Occasionally, you may see other things reviewed or blogged.... sometimes I have verbal diarrhea ;)  I have enclosed some pix of the start of NS!

M